


Return x To x Normal

by orphan_account



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Awkwardness, Canon Universe, Card Games, Cooking, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Internal Conflict, Late Night Conversations, Light Angst, M/M, One Shot, POV Alternating, Reunions, hxhbb, hxhbb2020
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-15
Updated: 2020-05-15
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:20:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24205057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: After travelling together for one and a half years, Killua and Alluka make a visit to Whale Island to reunite with Gon. While everything seems to be going smoothly at first, their relationship isn't exactly the same as where it left off...
Relationships: Alluka Zoldyck & Killua Zoldyck, Gon Freecs & Killua Zoldyck, Gon Freecs/Killua Zoldyck
Comments: 15
Kudos: 162
Collections: Hxhbb





	Return x To x Normal

Gon tapped the eraser of his pencil on his chin as he stared at the math homework before him. After missing two years of schooling, not only did he have to catch up with the old work, but he also had to stay on top of the current work that he had for this year. To be quite honest, it was such a drag. Gon looked out the window of his room, at the green grass swaying in the wind, the birds perched up on the clothesline, and of course, the two figures walking towards the horizon-

Wait. 

Gon closed his book and bolted out of his room, slipping his shoes on as fast as he could as he burst out the front door. 

“Gon! I told you already, no leaving until you’ve finished your homework!” shouted Aunt Mito just as he passed her. But as she turned her head to look in the direction Gon was running, she didn’t remind him a second time. 

“Killua!” shouted Gon as he tackle-jumped onto his friend, wrapping him into a big bear hug on impact. As if he were expecting it, Killua had braced himself, sliding one foot back to catch his friend in a big hug of his own. They had only been apart for a year and a half, but to Gon, it felt like it had been half a lifetime. Feeling Killua’s arms wrapped around him just felt  _ right _ , it was a comforting feeling, like returning to a home he hadn’t been to in a long time. 

“Gon,” Killua exhaled, putting his friend back down on the ground. “Let me go already, it’s embarrassing.” 

“No,” said Gon, giving him another squeeze. Killua’s cheeks flushed a deep pink as he playfully tried to push Gon off him, not trying hard enough to actually get any results. “I haven’t seen you in forever, let me give you enough hugs to make up for that time.”

“I suppose that works,” said Killua, just as Gon decided to rest his head over his shoulder. The initial shock of  _ Killua _ just being here in front of him wearing off, Gon noticed that Killua had gotten a bit taller and stronger than he had remembered. Gon pulled out of the hug, pushing backwards slightly in disbelief, since he knew that he had grown a full ten centimeters since the two of them had last seen each other. 

“I think I’m taller,” said Gon, stretching his head and neck out slightly to try to get some extra height. 

“Only if you’re counting your hair,” said Killua, flattening his hand down on top of Gon’s hair. 

“Cut it out, I could say the same about you too,” said Gon, reaching up to press Killua’s own fluffy white hair down onto his scalp. It felt just as soft as ever. He had a similar hairstyle as he did back when they were travelling together, but it was slightly longer. Gon wondered if he had enough hair now to pull back into a small ponytail. He made a mental note to joke about it later.

“If you stand back to back, I can tell you who’s taller,” said a familiar voice. Gon looked around behind Killua, only to see his little sister standing there with her arms down in front of her, hands folded across. She too had grown up some, but wore a similar pink and green outfit to the ones Gon saw her wearing the last time he’d seen her. 

“Alluka!” said Gon, giving her a hug, lifting her off the ground slightly with a spin before putting her down on the ground. 

“Hey, don’t bribe her with spins,” said Killua, straightening his posture again as he stood next to Gon, as if there was a shadow of doubt about who was taller. “Okay, who’s taller.”

“My brother,” said Alluka, grinning brightly. “By about four centimeters” Gon looked defeated for a moment, but then shook it off his face. 

“I’ll just have to grow my hair out a bit longer to make up for it,” joked Gon. Killua smiled back at him. “Anyways, why didn’t you tell me you were coming? I would have cleaned my room, ahg, it’s probably a mess right now.” Gon scratched the back of his head. 

“And I would have told Aunt Mito to prepare your favorite meal from last time you were here, and I’m not even sure if I have any chocolates in the house, and-”

“Gon, it’s okay, I’m sure we’ll have a good time even if you didn’t stockpile the house with chocolate robots,” said Killua, starting to walk back to the house with him. He leaned in closer and lowered his voice. “Although I’m sure it would have been better if you did.”

“Killua….” Gon drew out the a in his name to let his friend know how frustrating he was being.

“We did write a letter to your Aunt Mito, though. We asked her when we could come over, and she told us that we were always welcome to come,” Alluka piped up, stopping to pick a flower up off the ground. She fastened it into her hair. 

“Aw, that looks so cute,” said Killua. Alluka beamed. 

“Thanks, brother!”

“We wanted to surprise you, so that’s why we didn’t tell you too,” added Killua. 

“My brother thought the suspense of waiting would drive you insane,” teased Alluka. “I know he was really restless the entire time we were on the boat over here. He couldn’t sit still at all.” Killua’s cheeks flushed pink again. 

“That’s…..” Killua didn’t even need to finish his retort because Gon and Alluka were already exchanging devious smiles at each other. 

“I’m glad you came though,” said Gon, walking close enough to Killua for their shoulders to brush. “I really missed you. A lot.”

“Me too,” said Killua, softer. “It’s been a really long time, and I would have visited sooner, but we got into a bit of trouble with Illumi.”

“Well, I’m glad you’re here now!” said Gon, cheerful as ever. “It’s been super boring just doing math homework. You’re so lucky you don’t have to do any.”  
“My brother’s been making me do worksheets when we’re travelling places,” spilled Alluka.

“We have a lot of downtime sometimes, so I figured she might as well learn some stuff too, since you talk about it a lot in your letters,” said Killua. Gon grinned at him.

“You have to tell me about everywhere you two visited,” said Gon.

“I already told you about them in the letters.”

“Yeah, but it’s not the same as talking about them in person. You get to add all the fun sound effects that you want, and the inflection is a bit different. Besides, now that you’ve already told the stories once, they’ll definitely be more entertaining the second time,” said Gon. Killua stuck his hands in his pockets as he nodded.

* * *

Killua took a deep breath as he walked into Gon’s house for the first time in years. He had replayed the memories of his time on Whale Island in his mind time and time again, but physically being here made it seem so much more real, as if it were a refresher of those times. He sighed. It was good to be back. 

“Oh, Killua, you’ve gotten so tall!” exclaimed Aunt Mito, stopping what she was cooking to come look at Killua. Killua stood proudly next to Gon, puffing himself up a little bit more to make the height difference more noticeable. “And you must be Alluka, I’m Gon’s Aunt Mito, nice to meet you.”

“You too!” said Alluka cheerfully. “Gon has told us so much about you from his letters.”  
“Good things, I hope,” said Aunt Mito, giving Gon a playful side eye. Gon blushed and rubbed the back of his head with his hand. 

“Don’t worry, I promise I wrote about you well,” reassured Gon. It was true; in the letters that Killua and Alluka had received from Gon, while he didn’t mention Aunt Mito a lot, the times he did were overwhelmingly positive. Despite not being his biological mother, Killua couldn’t help but remember the time when they were last on Whale Island together when Gon had admitted that he saw Mito as his mother anyways. He didn’t mention it at the time, but it made him feel a lot more at ease about the tensions within his own family. 

“I’ll second that,” said Killua, noticing that Aunt Mito had been peeling some potatoes. “So, do you need some help? Alluka and I would be happy to-”

“No, that’s okay, you guys are guests,” said Gon, awkwardly. The two of them looked at each other for a brief second before looking away. It was weird. Killua had expected the two of them to click right back together, despite being apart for a year and a half, but for some reason it felt as if there was this weird air of formalness between him and Gon right now, as if he really  _ were _ just a guest instead of his best friend. Perhaps it’d go away with a little time, or maybe Gon had just learned some better manners. It wasn’t as if he was crass before, but this felt….too polite. 

“Are you sure? It’s not a big deal. Besides, we never get to cook anything since we’re always travelling,” said Alluka, her blue eyes shining brightly. Killua smirked. Spending so much time with her, sometimes he thought she could read his mind. 

“Alright, fine,” said Gon, handing her a potato and a knife. “You win. I’ll have to help too otherwise I’ll feel like you guys are doing all the work.” 

“If you kids are doing the vegetables, I’ll work on cooking the meat,” said Aunt Mito, grabbing a different cutting board. “Make sure not to cut them into too small bits otherwise they’ll get mushy.” 

“Right!” said Gon. “I’ll take care of cutting them.” Killua grabbed a knife and started whittling away at the potato, but was soon distracted within his own thoughts. Gon really wasn’t that different, was he? Sure, he was taller, and looked more mature, not to mention he had gotten even cuter since they last-

“Damn,” muttered Killua under his breath as he realized he sliced away a large chunk of the potato. Gon looked over, and then just smiled at him. 

He couldn’t quite pinpoint it, but this felt….. Killua shook his head and continued to peel the potato despite the fact that Alluka had finished cleaning at least three by this point. Normally, Gon would have teased him, mentioning that he had more of the potato connected to the peels than was left on the potato itself. He sighed. Maybe he was misremembering things. It had been a while since they’d seen each other in person…..

After helping Aunt Mito with the meal, the time it took to actually complete it was halved now that she didn’t have to do as much preparation. This left them ample time for him and Alluka to catch up and talk about their trip before dinner, but also a bit into dinner as well.

“If I absolutely had to pick a favorite, it’d have to be the time when we got an aerial view over one of the crystal gardens. It was so pretty, but also kind of eerie too. It was like an entire forest but made of these giant towering gems. We went at a time when they were the most reflective, and it looked absolutely gorgeous,” said Alluka, her eyes sparkling. “You should have seen it too, the pictures don’t do it justice.”

“I’d bet,” said Gon, cheerfully, but Killua detected a hint of something in his voice. Was he really sad that he’d missed out on seeing some lame crystals? No, did Gon actually like crystals? Maybe he did. What else didn’t he know about Gon?

“We ran into Illumi a few times too,” said Alluka.

“Uhg, don’t remind me,” said Killua, taking a sip of his drink. “I swear, he seems to appear everywhere we do, no matter what. But I think I managed to shake him off our trail.”

“How’d you do that?” asked Aunt Mito. “Are you sure he won’t find you here?”

“Ah, I’m sure,” said Killua, avoiding the first part of the question. He gagged internally at the memory of not just having to  _ beg _ Kurapika to give him Hisoka’s phone number, but then having to ask Hisoka himself to “keep Illumi occupied” for a bit so he could afford to let his guard down. Whatever Hisoka thought that’d meant, he’d hear about it sooner or later, but he could at least forget about it for the time being. 

“Killua, the potatoes, hand me some,” said Nanika, her deep black eyes fixated on the plate of cut and seasoned potatoes that they had worked on earlier. After he and Alluka had peeled and Gon had cut them, Aunt Mito had fried them up in a pan with some oil and spices so that they were crispy and tasty. He hadn’t had a home cooked meal since the last time he was at their house; the ones he had back when he was still living at home were usually special delicacies made by the butlers, but this felt so much more genuine. 

As Killua dished Nanika up some potatoes, he noticed that Gon was kind of just picking at his food. Was he also feeling a bit awkward?

“Sounds like you guys had a lot of fun travelling around,” he said. Killua detected a hint of something in his voice. It wasn’t jealousy, per say, but he couldn’t exactly decide what it was. Perhaps he was feeling a bit left out? He could fix that. 

“Hey, we had some really fun times too. Remember how we absolutely dominated at Heaven’s Arena? I wonder how far we’d get this time,” said Killua, putting the plate of potatoes back on the table. “Or when we had to play that dodgeball game against Razor? Our team got narrowed down to just me Gon and Hisoka, and we had to devise a strategy to catch the ball he sent towards us. I mean, this guy’s strength was really impressive, but nothing we couldn’t handle.” He gave Gon a nudge on the shoulder. He neglected to mention how his hands had gotten injured during the game, but immediately regretted bringing up the story anyways, as it might have unlocked some painful memories for Gon. 

“Is that so?” asked Aunt Mito, passing Alluka some bread after she tried to reach for some across the table by herself. “Gon never told me about that one.”

“Oh, right,” said Gon, rubbing the back of his hand. “I must have forgotten to.” Killua noticed that Gon looked a bit flustered. Did he not tell Aunt Mito about the time they spent together? Did he not want her knowing about certain things? Killua poked at his food with his fork. He wanted to talk to Gon, but the cursed “so, how is school” question was all that could come up. No, that wouldn’t do. 

“So, have you been keeping up with everyone? I’ve gotten a few letters from Leorio,” said Killua, trying to change the subject. 

“Yeah, we’ve met up a few times,” said Gon, who couldn’t seem to make up his mind weather he was stuffing his face or picking at his food, taking a few quick bites and then going back to poking around at it awkwardly. “He actually feels like a real doctor now, too. He’s studied a lot, I sometimes call him when I need help with my math homework.” 

“I can help you with your math homework,” blurted out Killua, realizing just how desperate that sounded after he said it. His cheeks pinkened, but he took a quick swig of his water to distract from it. Alluka giggled. 

“That’s okay, I wouldn’t want to bore you with it,” said Gon. 

There was another pause. 

“Do you want to-” Killua cut himself off.  _ See how strong we’ve gotten,  _ was what he was going to say. Gon used to talk about training to get his nen back in the first few letters he wrote. Then, it stopped. Killua didn’t  _ want _ to assume why Gon never mentioned it again, but it made his mind wander often when he thought of what would happen when they’d meet up again. Did he already get his nen back and he wanted to surprise Killua with it? Or had he been having trouble?

What if he couldn’t get it back?

Killua suddenly felt uncomfortable with his question again. Did he really not know Gon well enough to tell? They’d only been apart for a year and a half, but it felt like he had missed a lot. 

“Hm?” asked Gon, looking up from his plate. 

While Killua froze, he suddenly was saved by Alluka speaking up. 

“Do you guys want to play a game or two after dinner?” she asked sweetly. “I like playing games but my brother always cheats when he plays with me.”

“Okay,  _ Alluka _ , for the last time, I don’t  _ cheat _ at card games, I just knew a different set of rules than you did,” said Killua, pretending to be slightly offended. It was a joke between the two of them that Killua cheated at cards, but only because it riled him up so much to be called a cheater. 

“Oh no, he definitely cheats at cards,” joked Gon. Killua felt a sigh of relief at Gon teasing him, as it made him feel a bit less on edge. 

“Seriously!” said Killua, shaking his head. “I don’t need to cheat at cards to win, I just have natural skill. To prove it, I’ll let you pick a game I don’t know, how’s that?”

“You’re on,” said Gon, smirking. “I’ve got a few games I just learned recently that I’m sure you’ve never played.”

“I can’t wait,” said Alluka. 

“That’s nice and all,” said Aunt Mito, taking the plates off the table. “But can it wait until after dinner? I knew you were coming, so I got you guys a little treat.” After removing the last few plates from the table, Aunt Mito brought out a plate with some chocolate cookies on it. Killua felt his uneasiness go away, even for a split second. He never told Aunt Mito that chocolate was his favorite flavor, so Gon must have told her some time. Perhaps things between them were turning back to normal. 

* * *

“Lowest score gets to take the first bath!” exclaimed Gon as he dealt out the deck of cards. “Leorio taught me this one when we met up last time. We call it fours, hence the four cards face down in front of everyone. You can peak at the bottom two at the beginning of the game but then you just have to remember what they are. We’ll take turns drawing cards from the deck, and you can swap one of your cards and then throw it into the discard pile face up. If anyone’s card matches one in the discard pile, you can also discard yours, but only one person can do it at a time. When you think you have the lowest score, you can call the game.”

“Seems fun,” said Alluka, looking at her two bottom cards. “Are there wild cards?”

“Yes. Aces let you peak at one of your cards, Kings let you swap your card with someone else’s, and Queens let you look at the top three cards in the deck,” explained Gon. 

“I’m feeling pretty good about my hand, I could call right now,” said Killua, smirking. Gon puffed out his cheeks. 

“Killua, that’s not the point,” he whined, but he knew Killua was teasing him. 

“I want to start.”

Gon thought he saw Killua tense up for a second, but he softened his gaze. 

“Sure, Nanika, you can start,” said Killua. Nanika’s smile widened as her eyes flattened out. 

“Ai,” she said, pulling a card from the pile. She replaced one of her bottom cards and dropped down a 7. 

“Sweet,” said Gon, tossing the 7 from his bottom cards into the pile. “I’m already down a card.”

“Are you sure you shuffled?”

“Hey, I just got lucky.”

“Alright, alright,” said Killua playfully.

Gon pulled up a 5 and swapped it with one of his unknown cards, throwing a 9 into the pile. Killua tossed one of his bottom cards into the pile. 

“Good. Now we’re even,” he said, giving Gon a close lipped grin before looking over at his sister. “You need to catch up.”

“Oh, don’t worry, I don’t plan on losing,” said Alluka, flipping some of her hair over her shoulder. 

Killua nodded in acknowledgement as he took a card. “Uhg, worthless.” He flipped it over and dropped a 10 on top of the pile.

The game went on, but Gon wasn’t paying attention anymore. He felt that antsy feeling again that he had during dinner. His mind skirted around the topic for a bit as he tried to think about other things, like the fact that Killua’s voice was deeper now, or how Alluka kept grinning at him every time he looked at her, but eventually he found himself confronted with it. 

He didn’t have his nen back. What would Killua think of that? Would he think it was lame? He’d been trying for so long, so hard, to get it back, and for what? No progress? If Killua had lost his nen, surely he would have gotten it back by now, and the two of them could have met up and travelled together again. Killua was off having adventures with Alluka, but he was stuck alone here doing  _ homework _ . He could be with them if he had nen to protect himself. Killua shouldn’t have the burden of protecting two people. Even Alluka probably had more reason to be travelling with Killua because of Nanika. And if they couldn’t go on adventures together, how could he make more memories and reconnect with Killua? Why couldn’t he connect through card games? Why did this feel so -

“Anyone home?”

Killua’s finger poking Gon right in his forehead was enough to snap him back to reality. He had completely forgotten what the other cards he had down on his place were. He looked at the 5 in his hand, and then swapped it out with one of the cards he had, revealing a 5. 

“Mine!” said Gon, quickly flipping the other card over on top of it. 

“Aw, I also had one,” said Alluka, resting her hand on top of her card. “You beat me to it, though.”

Gon pushed the extra thoughts out of his head as the game went on. He just needed to breathe. He hadn’t even had Killua back for a day, and he was freaking out again. This was Killua, his best friend, he shouldn’t be stressing like this. 

“You know, the queen card kind of sucks, I’d rather just swap something out,” said Killua, looking at the top three. Gon picked up the next card, and grinned as it was a 4. He was going to win for sure. 

“I’m calling the game. That means you two each get a turn after me,” said Gon. Killua drew his card, then smiled devilishly. 

“Jokes on you, Gon, I know what your card is,” said Killua, flipping the card he drew and revealing it to be a king. “I’m swapping this one of mine with yours.” He took Gon’s 4 and gave him an unknown card. 

“Oh, how sneaky, brother,” said Alluka, pulling the next card up. “I guess I’ll be taking that.” She reached around and grabbed the 4 and replaced it with one of her cards, a slight smug grin upon her face. Gon ran his fingers through his hair. 

“Ahhhhg,” said Gon, as everyone flipped over their cards. 

“Yes!” exclaimed Killua as he flipped his cards over, revealing a 2 and a 3 for a total of 5 points. “Alluka, you made a bad trade, haha. You got a 4.” Gon scrunched his eyebrows together as he looked at the 10 he had.

“If you hadn’t switched this one last minute, I wouldn’t have lost,” said Gon, crossing his arms. Killua raised his eyebrows. 

“I still won, though,” he said, holding up his cards. “I knew what your card was because of the queen.”

“Good job, brother,” said Alluka, showing her score of a 2, 3 and 4. “I had three cards and still scored lower than Gon.”

“Pure skill,” said Killua, giving his sister a head pat. 

“Alright…. I want a rematch tomorrow,” said Gon, the slightest bit salty that Killua had beat him at a game he’d only played once.

“I’ll make sure I leave some hot water for you two, don’t worry,” said Killua as he closed the door behind him. Gon sat down at the table and stacked the cards back into the deck. This was the same Killua who he had travelled with for so long, yet he felt so distant. Gon tried to shake the thought out of his mind, but the nagging feeling kept coming back.  _ Why can’t I make new memories with him? _ It felt like all they could connect about was stuff from when they were younger. He shuffled the deck harder, causing some of the cards to spill out from it onto the ground. Did he really want all his new memories with Killua to be playing cards? Just playing cards? 

Gon sighed and decided to clean up the mess he made with the cards. As he reached over to pick one up, his hand met with Alluka’s. 

“Oh, sorry, Alluka,” said Gon, picking up the cards faster so she wouldn’t be put out. 

“It was actually my choice to come visit here,” said Alluka. 

“Really?” asked Gon.  _ This wasn’t Killua’s idea? _

“Yeah, but I think my brother really wanted to come too. I picked it because of him, after all.” 

“You did?” asked Gon. 

“He usually lets me pick where we go. He’ll give me three options for all sorts of cool places, but one place in particular he kept mentioning was Whale Island. He would always include it as the third option, every single time.”

“What’d he say about it?” Gon couldn’t resist letting his curiosity take over. He desperately wanted to know everything Killua said about him. He knew a lot of it had to be about the adventures they had gone on together, but he hoped for something more. 

“He said we could go fishing, but fishing was really gross because you have to touch all sorts of slimy fish, and it’s kind of boring because sometimes there are days where you never catch anything. He also said that there were a bunch of cool places on the island to relax and observe nature. After he brought it up a few times, I kind of got the impression that he had some sort of attachment to it. He would always stare longingly off into the distance like he was remembering something fond. Eventually, I connected the dots and realized you might live here after my brother mentioned that you used to use a fishing pole as a weapon.”

“Wait, Killua talks about me?”

“Oh all the time! You’re in all of his stories! I think he missed you a lot. We had lots of fun on our travels, but I hadn’t seen his eyes sparkle like that since we were last together at the World Tree.”

Gon bit his lip as he glanced to the side. He felt his heart skip a beat. 

He was just itching for things to be back to normal again, no matter what that meant. 

“Does Killua want to travel with me again?” blurted out Gon, thankful that he could hear the sound of the shower on. He didn’t want Killua to know he was worried about that. Alluka closed her eyes and nodded her head.

“I think for sure he does. He had a lot of fun with you, not to mention, he really liked training together,” added Alluka. Despite Alluka saying other things, Gon tunnel visioned on the “training” portion and felt a clenching sensation in his chest. He hadn’t told Killua yet, but…. Gon glanced over at the door to the bathroom and sighed. Why was this bothering him so much?

* * *

Killua lay on the futon on the ground, staring up at the ceiling. He needed to reconnect with Gon somehow. He bit his lip as he rolled over to the side. How could this happen? They’d only spent a year apart, yet it felt so distant between them. All of their conversations felt like they had been on eggshells, as if they were watching what they were saying around each other. Even earlier, when they were deciding where to sleep, Killua had  _ insisted _ that he wanted to take the floor because he didn’t want to kick Gon out of his own bed, even though Gon had offered to share. In the end, Gon gave up on the argument and just let Killua sleep on the floor….

Killua rolled over to the other side. Gon had been okay with the idea earlier…. No, he couldn’t just casually climb into bed, could he? Well, it  _ would _ be funny, and they’d both done it before when they were younger, so maybe it would be a joke for old time’s sake. Killua smiled to himself. Perhaps that would relieve some of the old tension once they were reminded that they were still the same kids from years ago. 

He scooched himself over to the bed, then got onto his knees, realizing immediately that something was wrong. Namely, that Gon wasn’t there. 

Killua felt the bed for warmth. He hadn’t been there for at least an hour. Crap, had he dozed off while staring at the ceiling? Killua shook his head. Now was not the time to worry about that. He climbed up and lay down on the bed. He took a deep breath, and immediately felt calmed down. The bed, the room, everything smelled like Gon. It was a welcoming sensation, like coming home. Killua sighed. Gon’s absence couldn’t possibly be for a good reason. He got out of bed and slipped his day clothes back on before quietly exiting his room. He saw the light from Aunt Mito’s room on, and knocked softly. 

“Hey, sorry to bother you, but do you know where Gon might be?” asked Killua awkwardly from the doorway. 

“Oh, come in, Killua,” said Aunt Mito. Killua opened the door and saw Aunt Mito sitting on her bed reading a book by the lamplight. He stood awkwardly in the doorway. He felt as if he were imposing, but there was something off. “Is something the matter?” Normally, Killua would have been subtle about this kind of thing, but there was a gnawing feeling inside of him that had been chewing away at him all day since he had first showed up.

“Do you know where Gon is?” he blurted out, sticking his hands into his pockets. Aunt Mito closed her book and put it down on her nightstand. 

“Ever since he’s come home, he’s been adamant about keeping up with his training so that he can get his nen back, but I wanted him to focus on his studies instead,” said Aunt Mito. Killua restrained himself from rolling his eyes since this was neither the time nor place for this. “I know you’re probably going to disagree with me, but I am considering what’s best for his future.” Killua chewed on his bottom lip a little bit. 

“He’s been sneaking out at night to go practice. As long as he keeps his grades up, I’m fine with it, but I’m not entirely sure where he goes,” said Aunt Mito. “Judging by the look on your face, you’re going to look for him, aren’t you? I’m sorry I couldn’t be more helpful.” Killua gave her a soft smile. Gon had shown him all over Whale Island. Though he hadn’t been here in years, it was exactly how he had remembered it.

“I think I know where to look.”

* * *

The last time they had been on Whale Island, Gon had shown Killua around all of his favorite spots. The cliff that oversaw the water, the open area at the top of the hill, and even some of the clearings in the forest. He remembered one spot in particular, where they would practice sparring a bit, which was at the top of one of the hills that had a single tree on it. His memory wasn’t perfect, but with enough wandering around, he found it. 

Gon wasn’t practicing on the ground. Killua noticed this right away, but it didn’t take long for him to spot him. Sitting in the lone tree was Gon, legs swinging as he appeared to be thinking about something. 

“I figured you’d be here,” said Killua, approaching the base of the tree. Gon remained silent, his face shadowed by the tree. There was a cold feeling in the air that wasn’t just from the breeze. “Is everything okay?” 

Silence. 

Gon sighed. 

“Can I come up?” asked Killua, already preparing to climb the tree. 

“Sure.”

After hoisting himself up onto the branches, he climbed over so he was next to Gon.

“Are you okay? You seem troubled,” asked Killua. Gon angled his head away so Killua couldn’t see his expression.

“I’m just… I’m thinking, about a lot of things,” said Gon, fidgeting. “I guess, I’m not okay.”

“Well, we can talk about it-”

“We used to have so much fun together, and now, and now all we have is memories, things in the past. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong, but I feel like, things aren’t how they used to be between us, I keep feeling awkward, and….” Gon’s voice trailed off. It was hard seeing him like this, but Killua wouldn’t look away. This was his best friend, he needed to help him work this out. 

“We  _ have  _ been apart for a year and a half, and I’m here now, aren’t I? I’m sure we’ll start to click back together after some time-”

“We can’t.”

Gon’s words pierced Killua’s heart like an arrow aimed directly at it. 

“What?” Killua asked, looking at his friend. “But why not, I mean, it’s only been a day, I think it’s stupid to make an assumption that fast-”

“I can’t use nen.”

The defeat in his voice made whatever Killua was going to say next disappear. Suddenly, he remembered seeing Gon on that fateful day, and the images of him in that hospital bed, all beat up and-

“I’m sure if you practice-...” Killua’s voice trailed off once he saw Gon looking right at him with an angry, hurt face. He had hit a pressure point for sure. 

“It’s frustrating, Killua. You don’t know how much I have tried, how many times I’ve failed, the amount of pain it’s caused me, to not be able to do things like we used to. And now we’ll never travel together again, because I can’t catch up.” Gon pressed his back up against the back of the tree, his legs bent up to his chest. He wrapped his arms around them in a defensive position. Killua’s heart sank in his chest. Gon has always been bright and approachable, but right now, it felt like he had shut himself off. 

“Gon, please, look at me-” Killua reached his hand out, but as soon as Gon interrupted him, he quickly retracted it as if Gon’s words had formed a physical barrier that he couldn’t cross. 

“No, Killua. I don’t want you to pity me. This is my problem. I don’t want to weigh you down.” Gon looked over to the side, crystalline tears forming in his eyes. Killua had seen Gon cry many times before, and like always, he had to hold back tears from his own eyes. He wanted to be strong for Gon and hold them in, but the waterworks started to come as Gon kept talking. 

“Gon, I just-”

“Killua can you stop-”

“Do you think Alluka weighs me down?”

The last words rang in Gon’s ears as he looked at Killua directly in the eyes. Killua, strong, fortified Killua, the Killua who  _ never _ cried, had his eyes laced with tears. 

“No, of course not, I don’t think that at all!” Gon backtracked, loosening up his shoulders again. The fortified wall he had built around him was starting to break loose. 

“Alright, stupid, then why do you think of yourself the same way. Gee, you’re such a blockhead, sometimes.” Killua wiped the tears from his eyes with his sleeve. If only Gon could see himself the way he did, the whole issue would be fixed. But that wasn’t possible. 

“Hey, I’m not  _ that _ much of a blockhead,” said Gon, adjusting his position so his legs were no longer pressed up to his chest. He wiped his own eyes, but still looked forlorn off into the distance. 

“Be grateful I added the  _ sometimes _ ,” Killua said, briefly diverting his eyes at the starry night sky, before hearing Gon’s voice again. 

“But you mean it?”

Glancing quickly after hearing the tone in Gon’s voice shift upwards, Killua felt a breath of relief wash over him as soon as he noticed Gon’s sparkling bright eyes, illuminated by the moon. 

“Gon, as long as you were happy, I wouldn’t care if you got your nen back. I’d travel with you now if you wanted to, I just thought it’d be nice to spend some time with Alluka because I left her alone for so long.” His voice dropped down, softly. “But I guess I left you alone too.”

“No, Killua, that’s different-”

“Remember when we had just gotten out of NGL and we were told that if we could beat Knuckle and Shoot we could be allowed to help? I did some extra training with Bisky, and she told me that one day, I’d leave you to die.” Killua’s voice was stunted, as if he were holding back a waterfall of emotions. “I knew I’d always wanted to travel with you, you meant the world to me. I didn’t know what I wanted to do after I would have taken the Hunter Exam, but you showed me that there was so much more to the world. I wanted to stay by your side, but the gnawing feeling that I wasn’t good enough was always there.”

Gon opened his mouth to talk, but Killua placed his finger over it. 

“I want to stay with you, of course, if you’ll have me,” said Killua, the flush of his cheeks only visible by the soft moonlight making its way around the leaves of the tree. “I care about you, well, because you’re my best friend.”

“Killua….” Gon’s eyes welled up with so many more tears. “Oh, Killua….” If Gon had said anything else, between his generous sobbing and the fact that he had wrapped his arms around Killua so tightly that his heart was beating in his ears, Killua hadn’t heard it. But he didn’t need to. The hug said it all. Gon leaned against him, loosening his grip a little as Killua scooched himself closer to where Gon and the trunk of the tree were, so he could be a bit more comfortable. Gon rested his head on his shoulder. 

“Uhg, that was kind of embarrassing,” said Killua, characteristically shoving both his hands into his pockets. 

“Aunt Mito told me that half of the embarrassment is always felt by the other person,” said Gon, holding onto Killua’s forearm with one of his hands. “And I don’t feel embarrassed at all right now.”

“Oh, I meant, it was kind of cheesy, I guess.”

“I like it when you’re affectionate, though,” said Gon. “It shows how you really feel about things.”

Gon’s last words echoed in Killua’s mind.  _ How you really feel about things _ . A smile made its way to his face. 

“I’m sorry about being an idiot-”

“I’m sorry for yelling at you-”

The two of them turned to look at each other, and then laughed softly. It almost reminded Killua of the old times they would spend together, after getting out of a sticky situation and then laughing it off at the end. Except this time the situation was emotional. 

“Although, it was reassuring to hear that you still like me even though I don’t have my nen back yet,” said Gon. “I was worried you wouldn’t want to be friends with me anymore.”

“Well, that’s stupid,” said Killua. “I don’t think I’ll ever stop being your friend.”

“I was thinking about that earlier, it felt like I couldn’t make new memories with you that would compete with the old ones,” said Gon, swinging his legs as they dangled from the branches. “But I kind of like this one.”

“Me too,” said Killua, rubbing his thumb on the back of Killua’s hand. “Well, it kind of seems like it belongs in one of those stupid romance books Bisky was always reading. We’re basically cuddling up on a tree branch watching the stars.”

“Ah,” said Gon, turning his face away. “I feel like a hypocrite. I can’t help feeling embarrassed right now.”

“About what.”

“I… I kind of like that idea.”

Killua almost fell off the branch. 

Wait.

_ What? _

“I like it too,” said Killua, softly. It was almost impossible to tell, since he could hear his own heartbeat pounding heavily in his ears, but he could feel Gon’s doing just the same. What did catch him by surprise, was Gon interlacing the fingers of their hands. The breeze at night was cool, but Gon radiated warmth so Killua barely noticed it. 

The two of them were quiet for a moment before Gon spoke.

“So did you really bait Alluka into choosing to come here, or-”

“Cut it out! I wouldn’t call it baiting, but…. I think she did pick this so we could reunite again,” said Killua, brushing some of the hair out of his face. “She’s a really good judge of character, very observant. I think she wanted to wait until I was ready to come visit, but I wish I’d done it sooner. That aside, you can join us on our next excursion!”

“I’d like that,” said Gon. “I really like it here, but I can’t wait to get off the island again. You’ll have to take me to some of your favorite places.”

“And new ones too.”

The two of them laughed in sync again. Slowly, but surely, everything was falling back into place.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Don't forget to leave a comment if you liked it xD
> 
> Make sure to check out the lovely art too! https://thatrainydayartist.tumblr.com/post/622473321555116032/i-got-to-do-work-on-hxh-big-bang-this-year


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